Cash for Clunkers Sold Out, Receives Infusion

One billion was snapped up, now two more is sunk,
In helping us trade out our gas guzzling junk.
The dealers, once strapped,
Have now their pants crapped.
The stimulus stimulates. Who'da thunk?

Gotta Have Priorities

Of Crowley and GatesGate the media still chatters;
Though Jackson is dead now, his story they'll batter.
The Democrats screw
Their restless Pooch Blue .
Is it in this order that these stories matter?

Limbaugh Logic

"Abu Ghraib is no worse than some frat-boy excess."
"Oh! Obama will torture most truly express!"
Two ideas, one brain;
Don't buy Fitz's refrain.*
What is tortured the most? Limbaugh's thought(less) process.

*"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function." - F. Scott Fitzgerald (supposedly)

Palin's Tenure Ends

That bumper-stuck syntax of Palin's still stings.
And look at the way that she facts away flings!
False ethical woes?
Invading gun foes??
She hardly is finished with makin' up things.

For Your Information

[EDIT: This entry is part of a contest. To help me win it, leave a comment and click either of the DermaNetwork links here.]

Come hither, friends, I must of tan-beds tell:
They have not Heaven's light, but heat of Hell!
For though we've Phoebus' steeds put to the bit,
They'll not their rider bear, they'll trample it,
With UV rays of such abundancy
Is matched by tanners, their profligacy.
A million souls do daily rest in those,
Not beds, nay! coffins hot enclosed.
This tanning legion, would-be Boehners all,
Are, like Ben Button, in an age withdrawal.

"More have been going since their years as tots,
Thus do more youth have Melanoma spots.
One patient mine, his skin had cancers three!"
Saith Doctor Zimmet. Would you disagree?
Some near receive their lifetime UV fix
Ere they're th' consenting age for carnal tricks.

"To combat this, the states must and do fight
With legislation," thus saith Lauren Wright.
Although Montana failed, there is a pending law,
I' a score of states, including Arkansas.
That minor access ought to be controlled
By doctor is a notion been well polled.
One out of ten such laws would like t' see;
That's better than Mahmoud his so-called victory.

I know no clearer way to out this spell,
So mark this wisdom, friends, and mark it well:
Not only safer is a minor ban,
It's also cooler than a killer tan.

Brought to you by DermaNetwork

Afghanistan

So it escalates.
Will this beast be placated?
Th' Grave of Empires yawns.

D'oh!

'Twas stupid enough when Crowley cuffed Gates,
Obama then came off a bit (shock!) irate.
With all of the sound
That's deaf'ning Georgetown
You never would know there's a healthcare debate.

"Let not your sorrows die, though I am dead."

For nearly two fortnights MJ's been deceased,
And yet in the news has a new life been leased.
His doc charged: manslaughter.
And what of his daughter?
'Twas too much to hope that he could rest in peace.

A Heroic Coup, extempore

I wonder lately; what is GOP?
Perhaps its gop, a substance slippery.
If so, it could in multitudes of form
Assume--for short a time when over warmed.
A watchdog, say, with tight a fiscal leash;
Mayhap a hawk whose wingspan's overreached.
A predator, a troll for carnal play,
Sometime a lamb, did seeming blameless pray.
A wolfsbane bulldog, rural and petit,
Does Pale, become a Kristol-ine elite.
With passage of a week a sixpack Joe
Translates into a plumber with a co.
A Dick with Southern Strategy appeal?
A Bu-cannon with balls of Michael Steele?
An entity so oft transmogrified
Can't be by others--self!--identified.
Take comfort, though, gop's easier to tell
The more it sheds as nears its deathly knell.

Healthcare Two-fer

GOP Chairman Michael Steele says,

“The risk of reforming our health care’s too large.
We’re under attack from a one-party barge!
We can't play dice with
Our future like this
(Unless the Republican party’s in charge).”

President Obama says,

“The status quo’s rotten. The system’s unfair.
To beat me my foes will risk your health care.
I will fight the costs,
Make th’ deficit lost.
How can that be done? …Hey, look over there!”

On Walter Cronkite

America’s anchorman, Walter Cronkite,
Has shuffled his coil, extinguished his light.
Moon landing or Tet
Or JFK’s death,
He always was there, so good luck and good night.

Clinton "Basically" Supports Gay Marriage

The man who presided o'er, passed, anti-gay laws,
Comes out of that closet to aid the gay cause.
Bill Clinton's in favor,
But he never wavered!
He'd never admit to a previous faux pas.

Moon Landing Anniversary

It's been forty years since that great lunar land,
Mankind's giant leap was one small step for man.
JFK was the dreamer,
Yet 'twas Nixon the schemer
Made sure in the space race we th' Soviets outran.

Sotomayor Hearings Begin Today

This week are the hearings for Sotomayor,
Which, spiting their import, will certainly bore:
Senators run their mouths,
She nonansw'ringly jousts;
We'll hear nothing new, so just what are these for?

Cheney Hid Existence of New CIA Program

Dick Cheney concealed, an inquiry found,
A CIA op from congressional hounds.
I know that he's awful
Yet his often unlawful
Behavior, it seems, is without any bounds.

Obama in Ghana

The Prez went to Ghana and gave them pep talky
Words lauding their progress since shedding the Cockneys.
His presence there grew
Our knowledge. Who knew
Their sports included international hockey?

Uh Oh

The Kurds have surprised with a move to demand
Complete independence from Iraq for their land.
This no doubt bugs Turkey,
But the surge by God worked! See,
This oncoming chaos is freedom at hand.

The protests resume

Iran's demonstrators re-took to the streets,
The web is ablaze with informative Tweets.
The government rash
Has promised to smash,
But that means more citizens who'll call for defeat.

How Things Change...

McCarthy was one time a noted red baiter.
Now he's a Red China-boosting red stater.
"Since Muslims attacked us,
The Chinese can practice
Oppression; so chill out, Guantanamo haters!"

Michael Jackson and Race

We've now seen the end of Michael Joe Jackson,
Was key to MTV's getting black acts on.
Yet with all the respect paid
One could almost forget he'd
Appalled when he changed to an Anglo Saxon.

Mark Sanford Censured

Mark Sanford--no Clinton--will not be impeached.
His party shook fingers as far as they'd reach.
It seems they commend
His choice to offend
Far way from his office: an Argentine beach.

U.S.-Russian relations warm

Obama, Medvedev agree to reduce
Their nuclear stockpiles, something of a truce.
Yet Georgia’s still irksome;
It probably hurts some
That Russia her government’s tight as a noose.

Robert McNamara too

He thought that he could any problem surmount
With reason, ‘til faced with Vietnam’s bloody fount.
McNamara’s passing
Adds to the amassing
Absurdly high two week celeb body count.

Protester Shot Dead in Honduras

In Liberty's name was Zelaya expelled,
But what of the man the new government felled?
The death of young Isis
Confirms that the crisis
Of tyranny is in all players' hands held.

Sarah Palin Resigns

Mrs. Palin made sense like a lipsticky pit bull:
"See, I'm not a quitter, I'm just a bit quit-ful.
The best way to fight
For you is take flight,
So unlike a dead fish I'll swim to my crypt-hole."

No Blogging Today or Tomorrow. Happy Fuck-the-English Day!

Those who go forth
With a fifth on the Fourth
May not go forth on the fifth.

Slowing Down the Slow-Down?

The numbers for June were predictably bleak,
A half million gone, an economy weak.
But losses are slowing;
Of which way we're going
It still is too soon to with confidence speak.

Karl Malden too

First Jackson and Fawcett and Ed McMahon die
And then Billy Mays and Jeff Goldblum (a lie).
And now Karl Malden!
The week is not all done;
Celebs to be safe ought to say their goodbyes.

Not Stonewall...

The Rainbow Lounge raided by five brutal swine,
Who proceeded to tread over reas'nable lines.
Arrested they seven,
Sent one near to heaven,
And used the Gay Panic defense. They are lying.

All Jackson, All the Time

Mrs. Jackson will handle the kids, says the will.
Did you hear 'bout Michael, he starved himself still?
Honduras' strife
And the rest of real life
Has been given focus, comparative nil.