Thursday, November 13, 2008


Geriatric Marriage—Gey Marriage for short—consists of the wedding or enduring marriage of the elderly. There are numerous reasons to oppose this practice.

- Gey marriage redefines the meaning of marriage. Before the germ theory of disease and the advent of life-prolonging medicine, humans tended to die young, sometimes even in their thirties. There was never an assumption of ‘growing old together’ because people never grew old. Gey marriage is a radical, modern development with no historical foundation.

- Senior citizens debase the institution of marriage by ending their relationships, often without provocation. It is a fact that the elderly surpass all other demographics in citing death as the cause of a broken relationship.

- After old folks die, their surviving spouses sometimes remarry. This is a dishonor to their partners, who stayed with them until it (and their heart) just wasn't working anymore. Surely the survivors can wait a little longer before they are reunited in Paradise?

- The wedding of two elderly people has no procreative end. Even in cases of couples who are parents, they will produce no more children. A marriage without kids is like Guns ‘n’ Roses without 4/5 of the group’s founding members: it violates the original spirit of the bond.

- It’s unnatural. As humans age, their sex drive is reduced, their bodies grow frail, and their reproductive organs shrink and dry up like old fruit, which is only good for trail mix and cereal anyway. Obviously copulation at this stage is a violation of nature’s design. What other reason do any two people have to get married than a moral sanction of carnal knowledge (which in turn begets offspring)?

- Finally, imagine your grandparents having sex. Hard to believe something so disgusting is legal, isn’t it?

Gey marriage must be opposed. Senior citizens should no longer be allowed to wed, and all existing marriages should be annulled. Some may think this an extreme stance to take, perhaps even hateful. But these people are too blinded by sentiment and emotion and consideration of real-life impact on people they know to look at the cold, hard facts and realize there really is no good reason for Gey Marriage to have existed in the first place, much less to continue.

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